The Person I Don’t Want To Be

This is the deepest challenge in the path. Not because it is the most painful. Because it requires the greatest amount of honesty. Not during dramatic moments only. During: work relationships money sex creativity competition failure success loneliness attention conflict boredom social situations private thoughts You are looking for one thing: What happens when my preferred identity feels threatened?

THE CAPSTONE RULES 1. NOTICE Catch the moment. 2. NAME Identify the pattern. 3. TRACE Ask what is underneath it. 4. ADMIT Tell yourself the truth. 5. INTERRUPT Create space. 6. CHOOSE Do something different. 7. REPAIR If your behavior caused harm, take appropriate responsibility. 8. INTEGRATE Learn what the pattern was trying to accomplish and build a healthier strategy.

THE DAILY SHADOW LOG At the end of each day: Today I noticed… [ ] I felt… [ ] What I wanted was… [ ] The story I told myself was… [ ] The shadow pattern was… [ ] What I actually did was… [ ] What I wish I had done was… [ ] Did anyone else experience an impact? [ ] Is repair necessary? ○ Yes ○ No ○ Unsure What will I do differently next time? [ ]